Top Singles Scenes in Kansas City
Looking for A Date? Pfff. Forget It.

by LaToya Prater

The following locations have been publicly rated among the best places for singles in Kansas City. Since we all know the only way to meet other people as lame as yourself is through online personals, we can deduce this list is bull.

However, we feel it’s our duty to report this information, along with the reasons we think
these places may have been chosen for this…um…honor.

The Power and Light District
White? Wearing an expensive corporate wardrobe? Good. You’ll meet all the other Kansas Citians who are unique, just like you, and boring as a vanilla milkshake in this cookie-cutter world of total unoriginality and inexplicably high drink prices.

Kona Grill
444 Ward Parkway, Kansas City, Mo.
You make eye contact. As fate would have it, both of you are retching – either from the lack of air, the sub-par sushi or the obnoxious 18-year-old wait staff. Either way, it’s destiny baby.

Velvet Dog (and all of Martini Corner)
31ST, Kansas City, Mo.
There’s nothing more special than realizing you both use “Sand Storm” Maxim Hair Highlights
NOW, even though you both used to use “Beach Blonde,” which you BOTH think is “so 2003.” You also both LOVE chocolate martinis and pretending you live in L.A. instead of K.C.

Raoul’s Velvet Room
7222 W 119th St. Overland Park, Kan.
It’s sexy watching over-dressed snobs sweat through their finery to the musical stylings of
Disco Dick and the Mirror Balls. It’s even sexier when they drink amaretto and diet Coke.
Watch out bikers and hardened criminals – that’s HARDCORE.

The Capital Grille
4740 Jefferson, Kansas City, Mo.
The what?

Boozefish Wine Bar
1511 Westport Rd Kansas City, Mo.
He’s 46. You’re 22. He’s got money. Yeah, you’ll get drunk on Don P. and sleep with him.

McCoy’s Public House
4057 Pennsylvania, Kansas City, Mo.
McCoy’s is good. You aren’t likely to get a date here, but you know you already have one with your hand later anyway.

Hooters
6411 NW Barry Rd., Kansas City, Mo.
At KCD, we think this is more of a “first date” kind of place. There’s no better ice breaker than letting your date watch while a hot, trashy, scantily-clad Hooters girl sits on your lap and grinds out an order of delicious, once-frozen fried clams.

Peanut
(pick one)
Cold hands on the back of your neck. As you fly down the bar on your belly, you’re not entirely sorry. The cute blonde whose beer you just knocked in his/her face is still looking at you.

re:Verse
616 Ward Pkwy., Kansas City Mo.
There’s no room to move. You inevitably bump into someone. His face is as tear-stained as
yours. You see that he, too, has just gotten the tab. You wonder if anyone can spot you six
C notes.

- www.KCDrinker.com – 2004 ©
LaToya “GfV” Prater is a free-lance drinker and writer. A native of New Jersey, she got hammered in Hoboken a few years back and woke up in Kansas City tied to the passenger seat of a ’77 El Dorado with Ed Asner wearing nothing but the hand puppet Lambchop. Now a resident of KC, Mo., Prater indulges her overwhelming addiction to editing other people’s copy to earn a paycheck and spends the rest of her time focusing on her three dearest passions: Alcohol, writing fiction and acting (Japanese balloon fetish porn).

This entry was posted on Monday, October 6th, 2008 at 4:24 pm and is filed under .Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.