The Landing

gfv 1:49 pm

1187 W State Route 152
Liberty, Mo.
816-792-5230

Shoot some pool, shoot some Jack Daniels, play the jukebox. Nice patio outside in nice weather, and a pretty friendly crowd. Cheap pitchers at certain times. It must be a good place, because when I’m in Liberty, this is one of my favorite places to get loaded. Oh wait. I’m never in Liberty.

Knucklehead’s

ike 1:24 pm

2719 Rochester St.
Kansas City, Mo.
816-483-1456

Even with an advanced military GPS device, finding this place among the warehouses and train tracks is damn near impossible. But when you get there, it’s like you just stepped into the movie “Cry Baby” (at least, on Rockabilly Wednesday nights, when the Rumblejets play). Swing dancing, white trash and an extraordinary outside area make this bar a blast. Warning: drink prices suck…you can drink at the most uptight Plaza bar for about what it costs here. Overall a good time, if you have plenty of cash to throw around on expensive cheap beer.

Just Another Dive

ike 1:02 pm

2002 Armour Road
Kansas City, Mo.
816-471-8715

Oh, man, and they aren’t kidding. A complete dump, this place called to me from the highway as I drove home from my north KC job. When I went in, there was the proverbial fat lady, bearded lady and I grew dizzy watching the bartender “clean” a glass for my beer, which was actually him wiping it with a rag so filthy the glass actually became opaque. However, there’s a little outdoor area. And sitting outside seems to make it all OK.

Imperiale’s

ike 12:18 pm

4100 Independence Avenue
Kansas City, Mo.
816-241-3316

While this sounds like it could be a good Mexican restaurant/bar, it’s really about as divey as it gets. It’s situated on the stroll (aka Independence Avenue) and features a beer garden which happens to be cordoned off with a giant stockade fence topped with razor wire. No shit.
(write-up courtesy of Eduardo C.)

Hooters

ike 12:12 pm

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

If you’re a forty-plus male with random bills of demoninations over twenty falling out of your pockets, welcome aboard you sexy beast. If not, enjoy the dry but cheap chicken and average sized, if even that, breasts. Boobies are great for distracting you from things like personality, overpriced pitchers, gaudy flair and any real menu to speak of. But say what you will, the wings still kick ass. The Overland Park location is the best of the three, and come in the evening if you wanna see their A-game. For the most faux-flirt time, sit at the bar, and it helps to pretend you’re a producer or a photographer. How’s the beer? It’s did-you-see-that-ass-alicious. (special thanks to “g” for paragraph two)

Helen’s

ike 12:10 pm

KCDrinker Exclusive:
Degenerate Bars in Bad Neighborhoods by special slum correspondents Brock & Lumpy*

Across the street from A.J.’s

Another beauty named Helen’s. Helen’s is populated by ghastly old former bar sluts. The sad thing is, no one told them they turned 60+ and are fangled. Once again, this place is definitely a value for the budget-conscious. This place smells like hell and the bathrooms are just about unbearable. I equate the smell to a pile of dead goats in the swamp. In summer. Damp, hot, garbage strike summer.

*KCDrinker Exclusive: Degenerate Bars in Bad Neighborhoods
by special slum correspondents Brock & Lumpy

These two are full blown degenerates. KCD lawyers insist that their opinions are completely their own and do not reflect the wholesome goodness that KCD tries to deliver. (Now kick some ass boys!)

Funky Town

ike 10:21 am

8300 East Blue Parkway
Kansas City, Mo.
816-737-3865

I think they mean Funky Patrons! If “funky” can also mean “toothless,” “backwoods,” or wearing parachute pants and sleeveless T-shirts. Still a fun club though, plenty of entertainment on (and off) the dance floor. If you get weirded out, just keep drinking. It all starts to look better after the fifth pitcher of beer. You might even find the courage to cut a rug to “Karma Chameleon.”

Fox and Hound

ike 10:20 am

19210 E 39th St S
Independence, Mo
816-795-5744

The thrill of the hunt is not going to be enough, so bring your wallet and be prepared to ply your prey with booze if you want to take home your limit. An immaculate, classy joint heavy on wood and brass. Best pool tables south of the river, and they’re free during lunch. Music videos play nonstop. It’s a guilty pleasure, as long as your midtown friends don’t spot you here. (special thanks to “g”)

Denim and Diamonds

ike 9:58 am

1725 Swift
Kansas City, Mo.
816-221-7330

A clean, enormous room straight out of a line-dancing T.V. show. No table service, and only domesticus genericus on tap. An all-ages crowd where you just might run into your parents dressed in their weekend westernwear best. Last visit, I spotted no fewer than 12 guys cultivating the Tim Mc Graw look. Pose for a pic in their “jail,” or simply try driving home for a more real experience with North Kansas City’s Finest. Best to stay away if you can’t dance, and if you wallflower too long, it’s guaranteed someone else will ask to two-step with your date, standard practice. Not many singles here. (special thanks to “g”)

The Corner Bar

ike 9:47 am

200 E Kansas Ave, Liberty, Mo.
816-781-5298

This little hole-in-the wall is old, filthy and fun. Clientele range from an 88-year-old man whose only way of still standing is support from the booze-hardened organs he carries around to William Jewell college professors who have been driven to drink because they are too smart for their own good. Friendly blue-collar crowd most nights.

CASH ONLY.