W.J. McBride’s

gfv 2:19 pm

1340 Village West Pkwy (Legends Shopping Area)
Kansas City, Kan.
913-788-7771

This is an O’Dowds for Plaza-phobes. A little less character, and no chance of striking up convo with Tim Grunhard in the pisser. There is a patio in lieu of a deck, but the same tasty Irish concoctions at
emergency-ATM-run prices. Strong drinks create a fertile atmosphere for picking up Blue Valley divorcees, and the private booths will shelter your Guinness-numbed ass from further humiliation. Bring
friends. (special thanks to “g”)

Hooters

ike 12:12 pm

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

If you’re a forty-plus male with random bills of demoninations over twenty falling out of your pockets, welcome aboard you sexy beast. If not, enjoy the dry but cheap chicken and average sized, if even that, breasts. Boobies are great for distracting you from things like personality, overpriced pitchers, gaudy flair and any real menu to speak of. But say what you will, the wings still kick ass. The Overland Park location is the best of the three, and come in the evening if you wanna see their A-game. For the most faux-flirt time, sit at the bar, and it helps to pretend you’re a producer or a photographer. How’s the beer? It’s did-you-see-that-ass-alicious. (special thanks to “g” for paragraph two)

Jayhawkers

ike 9:59 am

a.k.a. Texas Tom’s
a.k.a Downing’s Grill and Sports Bar

3916 Rainbow, Kansas City, Kan.
816-531-9004

Just across the street from KU Med Center, this used to be a Texas Tom’s, but then it was Downing’s, and now it’s a KU bar. After Downings, I have still refused to go check this place out. Which is sad. I can walk there from home, but I’d rather risk the DUI. Oh, um, there’s a really cheap lunch buffet, if you like such things.

Your Mom’s House

ike 1:26 pm

She broke out the Prince albums and started talking naughty. What can I say?

CASH ONLY.

Your Dad’s Trailer

ike 1:25 pm

He’s got the best damn feather boa collection I’ve ever seen. He also has Erasure remixes you can’t find ANYWHERE. He’s fabulous, and everyone loves his Queer Eye marathon parties. Bottomless Cosmopolitans for everyone!

CASH ONLY