Atlas Saloon

gfv 2:37 pm

Downtown Excelsior Springs, MO

Who knew that you could walk around the corner from Paradise Playhouse and the Hall of Waters and right into a little slice of dive bar heaven?? This gem is unfortunately located in Excelsior “Where the Hell is that?” Springs, but is one of the coolest old dives I’ve seen in awhile. Replete with a former Buzzard Beach regular bouncing, and fashion ranging from modern trailer park to Deliverance, Atlas is a teeming mess…I mean MASS…of humanity. The only problem I had with it was the thimble-sized plastic shot glasses. I feel grown up enough to do a full-sized shot. Oh, and the seriously racist owner – get a few in that guy and he’ll take you back to a simpler time. In the deep south. When people owned slaves. Yikes.

Dirk’s Sports Bar and Grill

ike 10:34 pm

UPDATE!!!!
8132 Northwest Prairie View Road
Kansas City, Missouri 64151
Phone: (816) 587-3646

One of my favorite Northland dive bars have started using training wheel shot glasses. Shot glass looks normal, feels normal, but after you take a drink, you’ll see and feel the lip inside that takes up a severe amount of volume. I am talking a half shot at best if it is filled to capacity!! NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Dirks? More like JIRKS.

As always send complaints to LaToya!

Thanks,
Ike

O’Dowd’s – Revenge of Zona Rosa

gfv 3:03 pm

8600 NW Prarie Drive
Kansas City, Mo.
816-561-2700

Step in here and you are NOT in Ireland. You are in Zona Rosa, a mega-vanilla shopping complex in the northland. This O’Dowd’s is good, it just doesn’t have the same character as the Plaza location. However, they carry a similar menu and the same Irish favorites on tap. Although I don’t know about these words all together on a menu: “Authentic Irish Wontons”.

River Aces

gfv 1:20 pm

1800 Swift Avenue
Kansas City, Mo.
816-421-9900

So THIS is North KC. Go in the middle of the afternoon and the best you can hope for is a conversation with a 58-year-old barfly about how to make reindeer ornaments out of doilies. Go at night, and the place is packed and rockin’ with live DJs and any kind of music you want. Nicely racially mixed crowd which CAN get rowdy after dark and decent beer prices. Bring your own water, though, they charge $3 a bottle if you get dehydrated.

Paul & Jacks Bar & Grill

gfv 3:11 pm

18th & Clay
North Kansas City, Mo.

Somebody named “Ms. Tara” likes it. And anyone that goes by “Ms.” something or other is either a schoolteacher or from the south. Fun party atmosphere and well known among the regulars for particularly good food.

Nick and Jake’s

gfv 7:49 pm

6325 Lewis St. Suite. 110
Parkville, Mo.
816-584-8535

If you don’t like golf, go elsewhere. This is a 20th-hole crowd straight from the nearby country club. It’s pricey brews over corporate chatter with upside-down visor boys. Bar and restaurant are separate, and it reminded me of Jeremiah Johnson’s in the northland. (special thanks to “g”)

Hooters

ike 12:12 pm

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

If you’re a forty-plus male with random bills of demoninations over twenty falling out of your pockets, welcome aboard you sexy beast. If not, enjoy the dry but cheap chicken and average sized, if even that, breasts. Boobies are great for distracting you from things like personality, overpriced pitchers, gaudy flair and any real menu to speak of. But say what you will, the wings still kick ass. The Overland Park location is the best of the three, and come in the evening if you wanna see their A-game. For the most faux-flirt time, sit at the bar, and it helps to pretend you’re a producer or a photographer. How’s the beer? It’s did-you-see-that-ass-alicious. (special thanks to “g” for paragraph two)

Boomers Bar & Grill

ike 9:15 am

7932 North Oak Trafficway, Kansas City, Mo.
816-436-7245

Up north? Like mullets? How about darts and plenty of Bush (beer)? If so, this is the bar for you. Plus, it’s just cool to say: “We’re goin’ to BOOMERS.” Oh wait. It really doesn’t sound that cool when you say it. (Thanks to Eduardo Cienfuegos for the info.!)

Your Mom’s House

ike 1:26 pm

She broke out the Prince albums and started talking naughty. What can I say?

CASH ONLY.

Your Dad’s Trailer

ike 1:25 pm

He’s got the best damn feather boa collection I’ve ever seen. He also has Erasure remixes you can’t find ANYWHERE. He’s fabulous, and everyone loves his Queer Eye marathon parties. Bottomless Cosmopolitans for everyone!

CASH ONLY