The Landing

ike 11:46 am

1189 W Kansas St
Liberty, MO 64068
(816) 792-5230

OK. So you’re in Liberty Missouri. . . What the Hell else are you going to do? DRINK!

The prices are fair. The food is honestly good bar grub. Barmaids are cool as Hell, except for the lazy one servicing her coke dealers! And listen up KC. . . YOU CAN SMOKE AT THE LANDING!!!

Liberty translation:
Shit ain’t spensive. Vittles aren’t as good as mamas. Dem beer girls talked to me! Dey got black bowls wit grooves to smoke an spit in dere.

P.S. Bobby B. . . All your fault!

O’Dowd’s – Revenge of Zona Rosa

gfv 3:03 pm

8600 NW Prarie Drive
Kansas City, Mo.
816-561-2700

Step in here and you are NOT in Ireland. You are in Zona Rosa, a mega-vanilla shopping complex in the northland. This O’Dowd’s just doesn’t have the same character as the Plaza location, but does carry a similar menu and the same Irish favorites on tap. “Authentic” Irish Wontons? Really, O’Dowd’s?

To that we say, “Is fheàrr teine beag a gharas na teine mòr a loisgeas.”

http://www.odowdslittledublin.com

River Aces

gfv 1:20 pm

1800 Swift Avenue
Kansas City, Mo.
816-421-9900

So THIS is North KC. Go in the middle of the afternoon and the best you can hope for is a conversation with a 58-year-old barfly about how to make reindeer ornaments out of doilies. Go at night, and the place is packed and rockin’ with live DJs and any kind of music you want. Nicely racially mixed crowd which CAN get rowdy after dark and decent beer prices. Bring your own water, though, they charge $3 a bottle if you get dehydrated.

Paul & Jacks Bar & Grill

gfv 3:11 pm

18th & Clay
North Kansas City, Mo.

Somebody named “Ms. Tara” likes it. And anyone that goes by “Ms.” something or other is either a schoolteacher or from the south. Fun party atmosphere and well known among the regulars for particularly good food.

Nick and Jake’s

gfv 7:49 pm

6325 Lewis St. Suite. 110
Parkville, Mo.
816-584-8535

If you don’t like golf, go elsewhere. This is a 20th-hole crowd straight from the nearby country club. It’s pricey brews over corporate chatter with upside-down visor boys. Bar and restaurant are separate, and it reminded me of Jeremiah Johnson’s in the northland. (special thanks to “g”)

Hooters

ike 12:12 pm

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

If you’re a forty-plus male with random bills of demoninations over twenty falling out of your pockets, welcome aboard you sexy beast. If not, enjoy the dry but cheap chicken and average sized, if even that, breasts. Boobies are great for distracting you from things like personality, overpriced pitchers, gaudy flair and any real menu to speak of. But say what you will, the wings still kick ass. The Overland Park location is the best of the three, and come in the evening if you wanna see their A-game. For the most faux-flirt time, sit at the bar, and it helps to pretend you’re a producer or a photographer. How’s the beer? It’s did-you-see-that-ass-alicious. (special thanks to “g” for paragraph two)

Boomers Bar & Grill

ike 9:15 am

7932 North Oak Trafficway, Kansas City, Mo.
816-436-7245

Up north? Like mullets? How about darts and plenty of Bush (beer)? If so, this is the bar for you. Plus, it’s just cool to say: “We’re goin’ to BOOMERS.” Oh wait. It really doesn’t sound that cool when you say it. (Thanks to Eduardo Cienfuegos for the info.!)

Your Mom’s House

ike 1:26 pm

She broke out the Prince albums and started talking naughty. What can I say?

CASH ONLY.

Your Dad’s Trailer

ike 1:25 pm

He’s got the best damn feather boa collection I’ve ever seen. He also has Erasure remixes you can’t find ANYWHERE. He’s fabulous, and everyone loves his Queer Eye marathon parties. Bottomless Cosmopolitans for everyone!

CASH ONLY