Watch. MEN.

gfv 10:37 am

dr20manhattan2031
Ok, so this isn’t exactly belated, but I thought I’d better inform KCD readers what they’re in for if they choose to see the much-talked about superhero graphic novel adaptation Watchmen. All I can say is the title is certainly accurate – what you will be watching is men. Ambiguously gay (or not so ambiguous) and usually naked. The 300 meets Sin City may sound good on paper, but it makes for an inconsistent style, boring script and super gay homoerotic undertones. Not to mention the movie is three hours long. Dr. Manhattan (the glowing blue guy) is naked throughout the whole movie and can make himself the size of giant buildings. Believe me, I did not need to see that much giant blue cock. No one needs that. No one.

HEAT – Best Man-Moment ever! (1995)

ike 10:14 am

heat-p

NO! You dirty minded women and non-woman wanting men, this BEST MAN-MOMENT is the Greatest movie shootout ever captured on film. Beginning at precisely Chapter 32, a.k.a. 1:46 and exactly thirty-four seconds into the movie, the most amazing fully-automatic gun battle erupts!

This scene is best used to stop loud mouthed neighbors from fighting in the middle of the night.  Cue up Chapter 32 on the DVD, crank up your wall shaking BAD ASS sound system, sit peacefully in your lazy-boy, press play, and terrify every living soul in your community.

GREAT New Movie – The Breakfast Club

gfv 12:56 pm


OMG you guys! I have discovered a real gem. I don’t know why it wasn’t in theaters recently, it’s an excellent piece of cinema. It must have been too artsy and went straight to video. It’s called “The Breakfast Club” and it’s about these high school kids who spend a day in detention together. There’s the “brain,” the “jock,” the “snob,” the “bad boy,” and the “basket case” and guess what? They all find out they’re not so different after all. I would have saved this masterpiece for Xmas 08, but I like I said, it seems to only be available on Betamax. The redheaded actress who plays “the snob” (Mallory Griswald or something like that) is AMAZING. This girl has chutzpah and is really going places. In fact, this ensemble works so well together I think they should have a nickname – I bet they’ll go on to make a lot of movies together. I would call them, like “the cool pack” or “the six pack” or something like that. Anyway, Breakfast Club is a unknown gem that’s a MUST SEE.

Submitted by Merez Filton, shut-in and movie reviewer extraordinaire

Payback

ike 3:20 pm

Let me tell you, this Porter fellow is a true son of a Bitch!

This is one of the greatest revenge films ever made.  In fact, Mel Gibson should try and act more like his character Porter because it is the last time he was able to act like a complete DICK and still have people like him.  If you have somehow missed this film, like to watch people in excruciating pain, and are not currently boycotting anything involving Mel Gibson, then give Payback a try.  I personally watch this film every time I feel like punching someone in the face. Very calming.

-Ike