Johnny’s Tavern – SHAWNEE

ike 1:02 pm

13410 W 62nd Terr.
Shawnee, Kan.

I slouched through the door into the dingy gray light. It was a typical dirty bar and grill, but not really that dirty ’cause it was in Shawnee. I ordered my usual pitcher of whiskey and sat at the bar to watch the ball game. A fat hooker lolled three chairs down on my right, just waiting for me to catch her eye. A few shady looking thugs played poker at a smoky table to my left. The sounds of children playing and laughing came from down near the pool ta…wait. What!? Kids? Families? What the f*ck is this, Chuck E. Cheese? Reality sets in. Although it has the potential to be a good dive with decent food, Johnny’s is one step away from Applebees. If you like other people’s brats having the run of the place late into the night, you’ll love it!


ike 12:12 pm

Coming soon to a strip mall near you.

If you’re a forty-plus male with random bills of demoninations over twenty falling out of your pockets, welcome aboard you sexy beast. If not, enjoy the dry but cheap chicken and average sized, if even that, breasts. Boobies are great for distracting you from things like personality, overpriced pitchers, gaudy flair and any real menu to speak of. But say what you will, the wings still kick ass. The Overland Park location is the best of the three, and come in the evening if you wanna see their A-game. For the most faux-flirt time, sit at the bar, and it helps to pretend you’re a producer or a photographer. How’s the beer? It’s did-you-see-that-ass-alicious. (special thanks to “g” for paragraph two)

Your Mom’s House

ike 1:26 pm

She broke out the Prince albums and started talking naughty. What can I say?


Your Dad’s Trailer

ike 1:25 pm

He’s got the best damn feather boa collection I’ve ever seen. He also has Erasure remixes you can’t find ANYWHERE. He’s fabulous, and everyone loves his Queer Eye marathon parties. Bottomless Cosmopolitans for everyone!