The Zoo Bar

gfv 4:51 pm

1220 McGee, Kansas City, MO

I have no idea who the people are in the above photo, but that’s pretty much the entire bar. For me, the jury is still out on this one. I will say it’s the tiniest, filthiest dive I’ve ever seen, but there were next to no patrons the entire evening I was there, so it’s hard to say what the local flavor is like (my guess would be vomit and apathy with a hint of diesel fuel). The bartender was great, but for a cash bar, the prices were high. The bathroom was surprisingly nice after the general filth of the rest of the place, and had a nice big poster of Johnny Depp watching me pee (which made me nervous). Fortunately, out of pure boredom, I managed to get completely hammered anyway and had to GPS my way home (which is sad, because I knew exactly where I was. Sort of.)

Love,
LaToya

The Point

gfv 2:55 pm

OPEN AGAIN

917 W. 44th Kansas City, Mo.

The Point is open for business again! It burned, but now it’s open, and completely remodeled in a layout that makes much better use of the space (and plenty of room to sit at the new, loooong bar). Menu is a little different, but not much. Same good food and drink specials for happy hour.

Lou’s Gossip Inn

ike 11:27 am

OPEN AGAIN!!!

gossipinn

2418 Park Dr
Kansas City, Kan 66102

Finally, the Gossip Inn is open again!  It’s all cleaned up which seems so very WRONG, but don’t worry a new bar under new management requires time to gather dirt, dust and barnacles.  This bar has been here since, 1937. Ike’s grandfather drank at this bar, and so does Ike. That makes it cool.  Swing in to support the place and get a drink from the smokey hot Latina bartender!

Hawg Wild

gfv 2:39 pm

HawgWild

6505 Neiman Road, Merriam, KS

Oh, mama’s found a new bar to live in! This bar is just plain FUN. It’s a dive. You can smoke. It’s full of bikers. And the ceiling is covered with “donated” bras. That’s right bras, as in tit slings, brassiers, etc. And yes, I didn’t leave before donating mine. You are supposed to get up on the bar and put on a show before donating, but in my inebbriated state I felt that was a bad idea. FUN, FUN, FUN bar to hang out in. Props to Rattlesnake, best bartender EVER. If you go, you’re family. Oh, and they have a nice little menu. Shane said I’d be found at the bottom of the Missouri in cement shoes if I didn’t tell you to try the Philly cheese steak.

Love,
LaToya “Braless” Prater

Swagger

gfv 11:34 am

8431 Wornall Road, Kansas City, MO

You know, in the same strip mall as Irezumi Tattoo and Mike’s Liquors. Other than accusations of being an undercover cop by an old (and I mean OLD) pothead, I had a pretty good time here. When I walked in at happy hour, I thought I was in a retirement community. People over 55 were crowded around the bar greedily sucking down the evening’s food and beer specials. Instead of bowls of free peanuts on the bar, they had bowls of Centrum Silver. But after happy hour, the geriatrics cleared out and a more varied crowd came in to enjoy the live music. Don’t be fooled – for a dive, this place has a great menu and the food is really good. Many beers on tap as well. Service is slow, but only because they really need to hire more people. All in all, a fun hangout.

Also check out their review on kclunchspots.com.

Jack Gage’s American Tavern

gfv 5:24 pm

5031 Main St., Kansas City, Mo.
Tavern (n.) An establishment licensed to sell alcoholic beverages to be consumed on the premises. Well, if a place to drink is what you’re looking for, skip Gage’s, because it’s a glorified restaurant replete with families that have at least 2.5 small screaming children apiece. There is a small bar, but if it’s busy, good luck getting any service. Someone needs to get a crane and deposit this place back in the Power and Light District. If you like snooty and overpriced, you’ll love it. But it does not belong across the street and around the block from such West Plaza staples as The Peanut, Accurso’s and Pizza 51. Hell, sipping tea and eating petit fours with the old ladies across the street at Andre’s would be more fun than waiting 20 minutes for an inch of wine that costs $7.

A New Day for Buzzard Beach

gfv 3:01 pm

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Imagine my surprise when I walked in to Buzzard Beach this week and instead of being greeted by the usual odors of feet, sewage and hate, I smelled nothing more than the pleasant aroma of incense.

Needless to say, I walked out and checked the sign, sure I had inadvertently wandered into that weird piano bar thing next door. But no. It was my darling Buzzard. In addition, Buzzard is ready to greet her lovers this winter with a warm embrace – outside!

They’ve installed some kick-ass heat lamps all around the deck, so you can enjoy that cigar, cigarette or just watch people slip and fall on the ice even during winter’s moodiest months. Everyone’s favorite five-star-dive has definitely had a facelift – staff have been working hard cleaning and clearing up the problems that have made her feel…not so fresh.

So if you gave up on her, you might want to rethink that poor decision. Personally, to drink that cheap, I’d put up with just about anything, but she’s looking (and smelling) pretty good these days, and where else can you drink copiously with just the change you stole off that bum? So…I guess I’ll see you at Buzzard. Like, in 10-15 minutes.

Friend Buzzard Beach on Facebook.

Love,
LaToya

This Weekend I Was Compared to. . .

ike 12:30 pm

Otis

Thanks McClure!

Otis Campbell, the town-drunk is one of my all-time Idols! Unfortunately, that Ass Hat actor Hal Smith that played him was a completely sober douche bag! Alright, he wasn’t really a douche bag, just alcoholically challenged.

The Landing

ike 11:46 am

1189 W Kansas St
Liberty, MO 64068
(816) 792-5230

OK. So you’re in Liberty Missouri. . . What the Hell else are you going to do? DRINK!

The prices are fair. The food is honestly good bar grub. Barmaids are cool as Hell, except for the lazy one servicing her coke dealers! And listen up KC. . . YOU CAN SMOKE AT THE LANDING!!!

Liberty translation:
Shit ain’t spensive. Vittles aren’t as good as mamas. Dem beer girls talked to me! Dey got black bowls wit grooves to smoke an spit in dere.

P.S. Bobby B. . . All your fault!

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ike 6:10 am

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