Beer & Porn

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Swine Death in Parkville!!!!

Why is it every time I plan on attending a nice drunken outdoors event a pandemic rears its ugly head and tries to back me into a corner? All I wanted to do was drink a few hundred different types of beer, puke in a few outdoor planters, yell a couple uninterpretable tirades at young children, and eventually pass out in a cab on the way home. But NO! The Mexi-Pig Influenza conspiracy decides to infect the only city in Missouri I had just hours ago decided to visit. NICE.

See you in Parkville,
-Ike

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6th Annual Microbrewfest 2009

Saturday, May 2, 2009

English Landing Park
Historic Downtown Parkville, MO.
1:00 – 5:00 pm

Enjoy brews from 24 Midwest Breweries, Live Music and Great Food on the Banks of the Missouri River.

Admission: $20.00 per person

Admission Includes: Access to the event, a complementary tasting glass,
tasting notes, samplings of local brews and entertainment.

http://www.myspace.com/parkvillemicrofest

http://www.parkvillemo.net/parkvillemo/events.jsp

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Drunken Naked Camp Out

May 29, 30, & 31, 2009

2009 Band: SeedLove

Registration: 2009 Registration (MS Word)

Click here for Online Registration

Location: Camp Gaea
25110 235th St
Mclouth, KS 66054

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KC Sprints dot call 911

As usual we here at KCD strive to report amazing events that you must patiently wait for to enjoy. Well, as promised, and not to disappoint, we have discovered a new sport to investigate and we’ll try to corrupt it further.

Sure it’s over until next Fall, but we sent roving reporter Ike to experience the final day of “KC Sprints” (Normally that would be linked, but technology apparently scares them).

Ike:
Happy Friday Bitches! Ikehizzle in da hizzouse!

KCS representative:
Are you OK?

Ike:
Sorry Gerbil, I really don’t know how to act. The skin tight biker-wear people intermingling with the Grizzly Adams crowd has me a bit freaked out. That guy has overall straps over his shoulders but they aren’t attached to anything. . . . What the HELL are those things attached to?

KCS representative:
Shut up. Give me five dollars so you can stay.

Ike:
Here’s five bucks. What do I have to do? What are those funny looking bikes for?

Personal writer log: That Grizzly Adams dude had great shrooms. keep his mom’s address in you keep-sake book. (don’t publish this entry)

That’s it! if you like drinking and rapid heart rates, you have to checkout these mutants. $5.00 bucks to test your mettle, and not even a DIME to watch and taunt. Plus we all know we love the Harlings!!!

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Jesus Beer

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Psychostick - BEER!

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Amazing Invention - Corkscrew

Never fumble around trying to open a bottle of wine ever again!

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Watch. MEN.

Ok, so this isn’t exactly belated, but I thought I’d better inform KCD readers what they’re in for if they choose to see the much-talked about superhero graphic novel adaptation Watchmen. All I can say is the title is certainly accurate - what you will be watching is men. Ambiguously gay (or not so ambiguous) and usually naked. The 300 meets Sin City may sound good on paper, but it makes for an inconsistent style, boring script and super gay homoerotic undertones. Not to mention the movie is three hours long. Dr. Manhattan (the glowing blue guy) is naked throughout the whole movie and can make himself the size of giant buildings. Believe me, I did not need to see that much giant blue cock. No one needs that. No one.

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Caddy Shack

700 E 3rd St
Kansas City, MO 64106
(816) 421-4742

You will never meet the real Carl Spackler here, but several of the regular patrons will remind you of the classic character. Possibilities are good that you will get bitten by a gopher, or maybe it was the owners Shih Tzu??? We’ll never know for sure. No matter what experience you are looking for, this is a great little secret bar just East of the River market!

License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They’re like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that’s all she wrote.

- Carl Spackler

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